Friday, September 2, 2011

September 2 ~ Friday Financial State of Affairs... really?

Let's see. November, DECEMBER!, January, February, March, APRIL!, May, June, July, AUGUST! Ten months since my husband became unemployed.  Coincidentally, ten months of constant worry and disappointment.

Next.  February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September! Eight months delinquent on house payment. Coincidentally, eight months feeling like I could throw up at the thought that the end is near - end meaning, no longer having a roof over our heads.  The gut feeling I get everyday that we are in this house without paying the mortgage turns (flips, gnarls, pummels...) my stomach.  I feel like we are stealing every day that goes by.

Number of interviews I've had since starting job search two years ago:  One.  Not Target material I guess, which is ironic since I've spent tens of thousands of dollars shopping there over the last 30 or so years.

Number of online applications or resume submissions the hubs made while on job search over the last four years... who knows.

Number of interviews the hubs had for job with home building company since being laid off last November:  None.

Number of interviews the hubs been on since last November:  One.  Not sure who is getting his resume, but to be clear, he has never been in sales, insurance, finance...  He works in luxury home building, specifically customer service.  He is not a construction worker.  In Colorado, he was lastly, Vice President of Customer Service, overseeing Western region of U.S. for large American home builder's "destination properties."  His career started at projects in Southern California. He's a home warranty guy who got really good at his job and eventually went on to start up departments at new projects and develop customer service teams to handle new home warranties.  He's very good at this.

Confidence things will get better; this is as bad as it gets:  Sorry about being realistic, but there is NOTHING to save us from the inevitable this time.  It's our "American Depression Era."  What are you going to do, right?

Last time I saw my 82 year old mother was over 5 years ago.  I hate the times I've lied to mom on the phone whenever I call to check in.  Every time I talk to mom, I lie about how things are going, or completely avoid "going there" altogether - much easier.

You know how many inquiries about how things are "really" going or offers of assistance from siblings we've had from either of the hub's three siblings or my one sister:  Zero.

Family members who could have said, "No," when I asked if they could help, but instead sent money asap:  My two (and only) nieces and three cousins.  They gave out of the goodness of their hearts.  They didn't have to.  But they are just like their Mom and Dad, my auntie Mary & Lupe - giving, loving and kind.  Without their assistance, utilities would have been shut off in April.  I've always thought of my cousin Rosie as my second mom; last time she "saved" me was when I had to leave Hawaii to return to the mainland for proper medical treatment for Bipolar, PMDD, Fibromyalgia and all the other stuff that required urgent attention that wasn't immediately available on the small island we were living on.  My calendar was filled with doctor appointments in Palm Desert; I stayed at Rosie's house in L.A. while I worked to get all my health stuff sorted out so that I could get back to the kids and the hubs in Hawaii.

This summer, the most touching acts of kindness have come from friends that I've know since age 7, met at age 12, last saw 15 years ago who have given generously to help us through these hard times (people I've laughed with, ate lunch with in elementary school, enjoyed being around at school) - Ken, Lorraine & Patty helped with prescriptions and food.  Barbara, Phil, Lorraine and Susanna proved that they have not changed one bit since we all attended Marianna Elementary School.  They helped us with food and gas money.  As unexpected as their gifts were, I should not be surprised.  I know their families - Good people.

All this considered, I need for it be time to move on.  I want to be able to repay everyone.  And I wish I knew how.  I wish I could do so now.!

Time for a turnaround... for the better, not the worse.  It's not going to happen that way though.  It's just going to get worse.

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