Change... I Can Do This!

Sure, I can do change, when the time is right. Most times it isn't, but the rare times that it is it feels sooo good.

Here's a for instance. For a while now, sleep has been a challenge. Well, that's not entirely true, it's just a very bad habit. Oh, and fear of earthquakes.  So, during the past few follow-up visits with my doctor, we've agreed that I should try a prescription sleep aid along with my usual meds. The first thing we tried was terrible, within a few minutes of taking a pill I was slumping in my chair, and worse than that, I was in a zombie state upon waking up and most of the following day. Not good when weekday routine required several hours of driving, so that was definitely not working out. On my follow-up visit, I told my doctor meds were a bad match for me.  "Let's try something else."

I added alternative sleep meds to my regular regimen, only to find those were just as bad a match. They were causing me to dream too much... not anything disturbing, thank goodness. Just ordinary day-to-day type stuff that when I awoke each morning I felt that I'd had already experienced a regular day-in-the-life of me.  Who needs that, right?  I stopped taking those.  I'll fill the doc in about results from change in meds next week and I'm pretty sure I'll just have to go without and do what I can to modify my nightly habits... like not drinking Diet Coke after 9pm; actually taking my meds as scheduled... again 9pm (which I did tonight) rather than anywhere between 11pm and 1, or 2am.  See, I told you: bad habits. Turning off the t.v and going to bed by 10pm might help do the trick. Midnight snacks are a weakness and should try to be avoided...darn it.

I must get control of this. Big changes may be in order for the entire family, and I need to be ready to take that on. Wish me luck that I can - that we all can - make adjustments necessary to arrive at desired goal.  Hoping with this change we will find ourselves in cooler climate, in a place where we aren't weary of using water from the tap.  Proper windows would be great... really miss those. But, mostly a roomy comfortable setting where everyone has their own personal space. I'm grateful that The Place has served the purpose of keeping us sheltered, but the idea of more than 5 rooms (total), kitchen cabinets & drawers, more than one closest and a couple bathrooms with adequate storage and counter space sounds like a dream come true. And, I cannot even convey how thrilled I'll be to reunite with our household items that have been in a small storage space for the last couple of years.  Mr & Mrs Bosch (my washer and dryer) have been greatly missed, I hope they still work. I'm hopeful this change will come to fruition, for our good, and the good of all.

Some people take things in stride, while others are overcome with stress. I guess, it's a little of both for me.  How do you handle change? With ease, or is it a nightmare? Please share your best tips for breaking poor habits or dealing with change down in the comments. Thanks for visiting my blog.

Now, I better get myself to bed.  Good night.

Until tomorrow ~ Lil

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This post is written for Day 12 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge for July 2014 and NaBloPoMo.

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Dear NaBloPoMo:

About today's prompt suggestion... come on.

"Friday, July 11, 2014 | How do you think we'll define this decade when we look back at it in the future? What descriptive term will we use to name 2010 - 2019?"

Whoa... just whoa. That is so heavy. I can't do anything with that, my brain is too puny at the mo, or maybe it's just fried. Probably a little of both - I actually just typed b-o-a-t-h... yeah, there's a clue right there as to what the week's been like.

Anyway, I'm tired, plain and simple. Running errands in scorching desert temperatures has been unbearable. My body's gone all wonky from effects of humidity and "lady stuff." My brain seems filled with sludge and I can't even think straight. I'm surprised that I got anything done today, much less throughout the week.

Speaking of which, as cruddy as I've been feeling, I have felt some sense of accomplishment assisting a family member (advocating on her behalf)  as she struggles to get access to health insurance through no fault of her own. California department of public social services in our area is extremely inefficient; workers inattentive; system totally broken. We are making slow, but steady progress, and things are starting to come together. I'm hopeful that by this time next week she will finally be able to see a doctor for serious health issues that require much needed attention.

Looking back I'm happy that I was able to make things a little bit better for someone else. So, let me give today's prompt another looksy.

Hmm, "How do you think we'll define this decade when we look back at it in the future?" In general, past decade we were all pretty self-absorbed, right? Yes? No? Personally, I've been sucker-punched from effects of three lengthy periods of joblessness. Yeah, it's mostly been a pretty shitty decade. As for the second question, "What descriptive term will we use to name 2010 - 2019?"  I'm going to be optimistic, because when things were at their worst for my family most of 2000 - 2009, awareness of the the term PERSEVERE made things a smidge better. Last couple of years, my focus turned towards the concept of RESTORATION, that's the goal anyway. I hope next decade is one of restoration... for the good of all.

Until tomorrow ~ Lil

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This post is written for Day 11 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge for July 2014 and NaBloPoMo.

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A Simpler Time

Thursday, July 10, 2014 ~ Do you think you were born in the "right" decade, or do you feel like you belong to a different time period?

Has it ever, really, been a simpler time?  Well, this little guy... err, girl, thought so; little did she, or those whose care she was under, know how not simple life would be for her.  But on this day, life was perfect... probably.

I've always enjoyed the company of people who are a good fifteen, or more, years older than me - cousins, aunts, uncles, mom, grandmother, and what ever cast of characters came in and out of my life. They had so much to offer, and I liked the idea that they never seemed to mind me hanging around. Their kinship and rapport were of great comfort. I wish I could say the same about my peers, but for the most part, I've never really felt comfortable around people my own age. The two closest friends I had growing up, they were different, we understood each other. We were oddballs together, and that was okay with us.

Some of my favorite books are of stories which I can not only escape into, but where I am able to imagine myself sharing in the experience right alongside the writer. Curiously, I find myself enthralled by stories and adventures as told by men. Or maybe not. The first time I read Russell Baker's Growing Up and Good Times, I was in my early thirties and I felt like I was right there with him, growing up. Discovering Roald Dahl while reading Boy and Going Solo to my son, was fantastic. I wanted to be him. However, the strongest connection to a story from before I was born, was The Diary of Anne Frank. I read that book year after year, I remember the weepy tree in the front yard of the apartments where I grew up, we grew up together. I went from being a young girl into my late teens, sitting in a wooden seat during Summer breaks from school. There I'd spend hours reading the day away. I always had this thing about hiding... or fearing the need to hide from something. Yet at the same time, being able to relish the good & happy moments as they occurred; appreciating the simple things. Mostly, I needed to feel safe. But nothing about my life could even come close to that of Anne Frank's, she was so brave. Whenever I felt scared, Anne's strength and perseverance served to remind me that I had to be brave too. Is that weird, or terrible?  Don't answer that. These books took me away, and I mostly liked where I went... except when I didn't.

So, yes. I do feel that perhaps I was a little late to the game of life. Of course, there is also the question, would I have mental illness, would my mom's life taken the same turns. Who knows. I'm just glad there are books that can lead me to not necessarily simpler times, just somewhere different.

At the moment, without the help of my kids to refresh my memory - they're asleep now, I wouldn't be able to tell you what real life was like in 2006. I'll see what I can come up with in the morning.

Until tomorrow ~ Lil

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This post is written for Day 10 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge for July 2014 and NaBloPoMo.

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History & The Past

As I examine the past decade, I just wanted to share something from 2005. It was written in the midst of the lowest of lows for me.  You see, at this point I had been under doctors' care and managing a number of illnesses, including something new called  fibromyalgia, and the awfulness that is depression and bipolar disorder - emphasis on depression. This passage sums up my struggle coping with life on a small Hawaiian island. Some may infer that I was suicidal during this time; however, quite the opposite was true. I was hopeful... certain that this would pass. I took comfort in knowing I shall never sink like that again. I KNOW IN MY SPIRIT, HEART, AND MIND.

MIND STORM ~

Your embracing arms hold me

Your hand in mine is soothing

You, in mind, comfort me as 

Mind’s ills storm body mind and soul

Sudden isolation 

Confusion and despair

Anticipating fear

My mind storm is here

You have touched me 

You are strong 

I reach for you,

I trust you

I am frightened by the storm

You are caring

And I care for you too

I welcome you free from harm 

To my unimaginable storm

Accept my invitation 

You have been here all along 

Share this time with me 

The storm is still so strong

We all belong here 

Goodness abounds 

This is how it is: 

I’m alone inside

As the mind storm passes on

By Lillian Carilo 2005 ~ Bipolar Disorder

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In keeping with this month's theme: Decade...
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Horse-Drawn Sleigh Ride ~ Colorado 2005

Colorado 2005 was a welcome change. By springtime my family had established a comforting home life, our children eased into a new school and immediately made friends. Our first night in our new home was Halloween night.. Perfect, a great memory of a happy time... costumes, candy! It was a good night. Another highlight was a holiday weekend for families of employees, courtesy of my husband's company. Good times... 

October 2006 brought with it tremendous joy in the shape of a puppy... a Blue Tri-colored beagle. It was love at first sight... 

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I love today's NaBloPoMo blog prompt: Wednesday, July 9, 2014 , "Do you like to read historical fiction? Tell us about your favourite book not set in the contemporary period."  I love reading historical fiction, it is one of my favorite genres in literature.  One of my all-time favorite books was a gift from my neighbor, Alicia, from the time my family lived in Texas.  At least twice a year - Eastertime and Christmastime - I pick up my tattered paperback copy of Marjorie Holmes, Two From Galilee ~The Story of Mary and Joseph. I enjoy it not for it's religious aspects, but for the budding romance between two quite ordinary individuals, who find themselves under extraordinary circumstances. The story begins with the mundane and leads it's reader from the inconceivable to the miraculous.  I'll hope to find time to read it for the rest of my life. 

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Until tomorrow ~ Lil

This post is written for Day 9 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge for July 2014 and NaBloPoMo.

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Moving Along 2005

Aloha, farewell

What lay ahead for my family in 2005 left me with a sense of calming hope. Stability and restoration would be a welcome change from stresses caused by joblessness that came in the early 2000's, followed by upheaval due to move to a small Hawaiian island; we just could not acclimate to island living. So, we said goodbye.

On to life in 2005. I had remained on the mainland staying with family and taking care of health matters until just a week or two before relocating with the entire family to Colorado. By this time we were all looking forward to a change; snow on the ground in mid-March was just what we needed. See...

Clearly I was an easy target. 

Yep, we were ready for a change; adapting to Colorado was much, much easier. I had done a lot of research and homework about the area where my husband's new company had provided temporary housing. We were set up in a nice size apartment that accommodated the lot of us perfectly for the time being - remember, all our stuff was en route half way across the Pacific Ocean, then docked in Los Angeles before being transported to Colorado. My husband eased into his job, and we didn't mind one bit the fact that it required him to travel quite often... we loved driving to the airport to pick him up from his trips.  Aside from the creepy, giant, blue bronco sculpture (Story goes it fell on it's designer once completed and killed him! Crazy, right?), who wouldn't love driving into this airport...

Yeah, Colorado would be good for us.  Have you moved more than a handful of times in your lifetime? What's that been like for you... easy; challenging? Tell me about it in comments.

Until tomorrow ~ Lil

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This post is written for Day 8 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge for July 2014 and NaBloPoMo.

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Lil's Week In Review ~ July 6, 2014

July 2014 NaBloPoMo Theme is DECADE, and since weekends are left open to blogger's choice I'm going to borrow Thurs, July 3, 2014's prompt: "What do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?",  and share this post from my 2nd blog - A Home Not Our Own

This Week In Review:

~ Past ten years were not conducive to any concert going (financially speaking). But this decade has given us the opportunity to splurge on little luxuries like seeing favorite performers playing at nearby-ish venues. I'm hopeful more concerts will be enjoyed over the next 10 years. Micheal Buble, Josh Groban, and Ed Sheeran top my list.

Last Monday was Pomona. Woot woot? Wow! So much fun! If someone ever told me, "You will have one of your 'Best times ever in Pomona.'," I would have slapped them in the face for saying something so ridiculous... that's just crazy talk... but yep, it's true, I had a blast last night

So, rather than "Woot, woot, question mark," it was more like, Hank Green, Driftless Pony Club & Harry and the Potters! Woo! Hoo!!  In case anyone was wondering, here are some Hank Green You Tube vids.

~ Carilo Family Movies: Summer 2014 that were watch this week, as selected from @EW's "...essential movies kids must see before they turn 13." were... 

#13 Wall-E

#14 The Sound of Music
#15 The Lion King
#16 The Wizard of Oz
#17 Singing in the Rain
#18 Miracle on 34th Street... I LOVE THIS MOVIE!
#19: The Iron Giant. #GreatMovie LOVED IT!
#20 E.T. #StayElliott

~ And, lastly (because I am very sleepy), a list of this week's A How-To Guide visits from around the globe:

United States
Germany
Russia
Ukraine
India
United Kingdom

Yay, world!

Until tomorrow. ~ Lil

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This post is written for Day 6 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge for July 2014 and NaBloPoMo.

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