Off...

Feeling like a snail without it's shell... or more like the shell without it's snail.  Oh well.

On an upnote... finally got a proper professional haircut!  Thanks Jenna... love you!

The day the blogging ends...

... might be today.  We'll see.

But until then...  Had another successful night of restful sleep.  Problem:  Waking up early.  Now there's more time for worry to settle on my already overloaded mind.  Struggling as abandonment issues begin to resurface as steps in this family's journey begin to pick up pace.

On an up note, hating myself a tiny bit less on this day when I have decided to resume my family's recycling practices.  You see, life became so overwhelming a year ago that at some point I decided separating cans, plastic, glass and cardboard from household rubbish became too great a challenge.  I died a little inside every time in went one - out of hundreds probably - Diet Coke can.  But today, that changes.  Next week's waste pick-up will find 2 green bins, one with cardboard/paper, one with cans/plastic/glass, and I will breathe a sigh of relief as WM truck hauls it all away.

Thanks for stopping by.

Happy Pi Day...

A lot of things are happening that I did not even imagine remotely possible.  What is that, Kismet? Karma?

Also,  I don't want to ruin their reputation, but the lawyer we met with today was really, really nice!  Anyone who can send me off with a smile on my face after seeing me in sobs within five minutes of  meeting me is A-okay.

After last night...

I'm pretty sure I'll begin to fear sleep time.  Uncontrollable anxiety and unmanageable stress made it absolute hell.  Overcome by the complexity and measure of uncertainty that lies ahead... and I just can't cope with it sometimes.  So, weekend high at end of tax ordeal has deflated at thought that next phase - foreclosure and bankruptcy - is upon us.  And following all that... who knows.

Excited, Worried, Scared, Nervous...

as to what the future holds.

No Matter...

Sure we may have had reason for peace of mind in the area of finances, but there's still the matter of my mind. I'm sick, will always be sick, but without proper care, any and all good news will be hampered by my struggles with illnesses, and all I need for proof of this is an attempt to have a good night's sleep.

So I haven't slept much, but at least I can wake up without burden of un-filed taxes.  Actually, short discussion with the hubs opened to idea of this:

• Things are moving along here for us. Finally had our taxes done (4 yrs worth) and found out we had returns each year! So now we're talking about possibility of relocating back to TX - renting a small apartment or house.  And, naturally, I focus on the kids and wonder how high school's are doing out there? Are kids in good shape, academically speaking?  E will start 10th grade in the fall. If we move anywhere I still would like her to go somewhere kids aren't bat-sh!t crazy. I love that she has tons of Mormon friends here - nobody dates until 16, which is our rule - so she doesn't feel pressure. We did love all our friends and neighbors in TX & CA, and we think my living somewhere familiar where there's lots of nature would be best for me. R would be happy to go to Lone Star college too, and hopefully be able to transfer to B&N in TX. And our girl, S... well, maybe, just maybe, she can make that decision to attend one of the universities which have accepted her to study teaching.  I'm going to check Great Schools website.

*****

So, why all this talk about relocating?  It's just what resulted from possibility of this:

• Knowing his unemployment benefits will soon cease, the hubs is seriously considering joining in his childhood friend's business venture opening a diner in oil boom town in Montana or one of the Dakotas - to work; no $ for investing. He will have final word about restaurant lease next month and would want the hubs to join him in May. Of course, everything is still in limbo, and I'm just glad that we'll be able to finally retain an atty for bankruptcy filing.  Fact of matter is, the house is in foreclosure, but we are hopeful we can be here until our girl graduates on May 21st. Also way, way relieved that we can afford to store our stuff - I wasn't looking forward to doing yard sales to try to sell off the rest of our stuff. I get especially sad at saying goodbye to sentimental items. Anyway... we just started talking about possibilities. Tax meeting yesterday was such a huge weight off; never been happier to sign my name! I was wishing we could take a road trip to see grandma in California or head out to The Woodlands for the girls Spring Break in a couple of weeks, but if there's a chance we may be moving back, I'm more than happy to wait. I just want to be able to afford to rent a small apartment or house and be back among the trees... for the rest of my life.  Not to mention, Easter service at St Anthony of Padua Church would be heaven.

Wish me luck. Wish us luck..