May 28th ~ Saturday State of Affairs: Scary

Up at a reasonable hour today considering I headed up to bed a little after midnight exhausted and certain I'd be dead asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.  I was wrong.  Achy all day from Thursday's exciting event, yet still recovering nicely, a long, restful sleep was greatly anticipated.  But, desire for a good night sleep went unheeded... sigh.  I thought for sure, if anything, it would be over-exhaustion that might have given me trouble, but I was wrong - It was my brain.  It was stormy in my head, and I became frightened.  It felt as if each section of my brain had split apart.  It seemed like, with room for movement, those separated sections began to float about in my head.  It felt as those sections moving around aimlessly within my skull were colliding and with each collision an electric spark would ignite.  It made me uncomfortable and scared.  I was frightened.  Frightened by the fact that I've reached a point... the point where it is imperative that I resume medical care and management of medication necessary to restore both mind and body.  I lay in bed stunned and awed - only four months since I had to make the decision to taper off my meds (as cautiously as I possibly could without physician's monitoring) AND for four months I've been doing way better that I would have ever imagined.  So the "shock" and "awe" came, but I can't say with respect to which over the other:  Getting off meds without doctor's care or doing as well as I have been, for this long, off my much needed medication.  So what now?  For now I'll  have to wait.  Wait for us to have an income. Hope.  Hope that with employment, also comes health insurance benefits.  Pray.  I pray it won't be long.


  ~  Funny, realized Carilo was pronounce correctly when R.J.'s name was called to receive his diploma.  Problem was, his advisor fumbled his first and middle names.  I think it's because she knows him as R.J., and when she had to read his actual name her brain was probably thinking "What?  He's called R.J., but his middle name is Scott.  What the heck!"  Ha ha.  That's just what I imagine anyway.

May 27th ~ First Friday of Summer Break State of Our Union Address

Hey.  It's Friday!  Uh... it's Friday?  Feels like one of those never ending Sundays I used to have as a kid - feeling  bored and alone, wishing the weekend would be over, yet not wanting Monday to come because I had to go to school.  Man, I hated weekends sometimes.


Yeah.  I should have known it would end up this way because yesterday was so wonderful.  I told my boy on the drive to drop him off for rehearsal at the school auditorium that it was the first time in his life that I felt complete peace and calm.

What a ride it's been since those early days in La Quinta 

when we home-schooled these three!

Carilo Kids Homeschool ~ Final school projects 1998

Those La Quinta home-schooling days were some good times.  Good times with a tiny bit of "Uh oh, what have I done?"  Montessori school experience had been so great, but after being determined disabled it only made sense to give my little darlings the best of me - my full attention and time.  I would teach them at home since I was no longer able to leave the house for work or volunteering (or most other things).  So off to school we went... to our dining room table.  R.J. in pre-kindergarten, S in pre-school and baby E in wee-school.  I prepared reading and math study materials for R.J.'s level of learning in copies of three:  One copy was passed to my little monkey for scribbling upon, one copy was for S to give a try and do her best with, and one for R.J.   I had the opportunity to watch and see first hand how easily learning came to both R.J. and S while they were at Montessori.  It was a positive experience for all of  us, and I loved the teaching method.  So, I did what I could to preserve that style of teaching at home.  The internet was young back then, but I was still able to find enough resources to get things started.  I'd be up past midnight preparing most nights.  I could have never taken on this task without my mom's help.  She stayed overnight at our house often during that time anyway, because I was sick; having mom there to help with the kids made my life of managing illness, keeping track of medications I was trying, and caring for family, so much better.  It helped that because they were so little, most lessons were Practical Life tasks, and Grandma Carmy had loads to offer in that department.  It was fun.  When we tackled the "book learning", E scribbled away, S proved to be a independent learner, and R.J. did his best in all areas of study... but, I started to notice there might be a problem.  He was either getting bored or lazy - or maybe being home was a little to comfortable, or the attraction to t.v. too strong, or perhaps, our collection of vhs movies being readily available for viewing was a distraction?  What can I say, the kid has always been a media freak.  

TO BE CONTINUED....

May 22nd ~ Sunday ~ Serenity, Please Be Near

Everybody slept in this morning.  Breakfast of scrambled eggs and crispy hash brown potatoes that I whipped up as quick as possible wasn't served until after noon.  Technically it was more like lunch.  So let's just call it brunch, after all, we did also enjoy fresh strawberries.  It was all delicious, even though I was feeling a little pressured to get "my job" done (short order cook I am not).  What's happening is I'm starting to see those obvious signs of Summer: 1st dishwasher load just ended; already have another load to run, and don't even ask about laundry situation.  It's 1:30 and I know it's coming... "What's for lunch?"  How do I know?  Because occupants have already been in here (the kitchen) opening the refrigerator and pantry searching for stuff to snack on.  (Remember, we all ate around noon.)  Yeesh!  


After today my girls will only have two days left of school, then I will officially be mom to "big kids."  A high school senior and a freshman. YEA!  As the boy awaits his final marks for classes completed last week, the rest of us anticipate being there for him for his cyber high school graduation on Thursday... then he's off into the world to greet all that awaits him.  So proud.  We did it.  We "grew up" a kid.


**To be continued... (old days, ready for vacation; now, not ready for inevitable.)