Friday, July 29, 2011

July 29th ~ One Week's Journey: From Walking on Eggshells to Navigating Water Balloon Covered Path *way less messy

What a difference a week makes.  TO BE CONTINUED *gotta eat!

Up hours earlier than usual... back to reading #JUSTICE What's the Right Thing to Do? #goodbook

Just applied for job at neighborhood car wash. Took less than 5 minutes! My kind of application.

When my Disability Benefits cease, soup week will be 4 times a month.

How does one prepare to shatter family when the time finally comes to exit a failed marriage; Don't know who to call 1st - priest, counselor

I guess I'm going to find out.

Sent a message: Why are we not worthy of greater effort to change things? Reply: Tell me what you want. *He's applying for ANY job near home

Okay. Early morning chat eased things a bit. Everything is on the table; feelings shared, fears spoken, truths told.

Time to make loads of uncomfortable, unsettling phone calls... bill collectors. #prayforme & #wishmeluck

Call to SSFCE Asset Recovery Center was most unpleasant; had to be done. It's over. *I think I'll go throw up now.

I said, "You don't participate." "Why don't we matter?" "We are of no value to you" He said, "Tell me what to do?" *I thought, I did.*

Job search update: No word today from Carwash Express or H.R. Whole Foods since submitting yesterday's online applications.

I invited the hubs to join me for 9am mass at St Thomas More tomorrow. He said yes. #seehowthatgoes

Love ya! No more walking on eggshells here. Atmosphere much improved - still delicate; however, mostly united.

As a family floundering on unemployment, disability, that's it, right? We will be relying on 19 y/o son's p/t job income $600

So if my disability; hub's unemployment stop. mo income will be approx $600 for fam/5 & 2 dogs

Today, a blog reader wrote me and said "You are the strongest woman..." Huh? Thanks kind lady, and thanks for reading each and every post!

Every day we are delinquent on this house it feels like stealing. #gutwrenching

We are untied, vs united. Russell Baker's GROWING UP speaks of what we lack today - kinship, family assistance

Heart-to-heart w/ husband other night revealed no hope for future in previous profession: Homebuilding

Good ol' days. Today, I can no longer afford to buy soaps, personal care products of any kind!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Nothing like a new look...

S's such a beautiful girl, but today, that beauty shines and sparkles a little bit brighter.  We went to have her hair cut this afternoon.  Her hair had never grown to length it had since last winter; it got so long and heavy that she decided the time was now for a shorter "do."  When she was asked by Jenna if she wanted to keep it or donate it to Locks of Love, there was no question.  "Yes, I'll donate it."  Jenna washed, then braided her waist-length cascade of gorgeous thick brown hair, then took razor sharp scissors and cut away.  No gasp, no look of shock; just relaxed, release.  It's only hair.  Others in the salon were slightly traumatized. Can't figure that out; not going to try. Women?

My beautiful girl is ready to take on senior year of high school on a good note.  She has full-filled her summer volunteer tutoring obligations at the library, donated 12 inches of hair to a worthy cause... Now... bring on those high school AP courses!  Myself, I'm just looking forward to hearing her sing with HRHS Choir at this school year's concerts.  A proud momma,  I am.  YOU GO, S!!

Change is good - for girls, a haircut makes you feel new again.  Looking forward to a nice short cut myself.  Jenna's been too kind not charging us for haircuts the last few times Rick and the kids have gone in.  She is a very loving and giving individual, I'm sure she'll be thrilled when the day comes to chop off my ponytail.  I'll look forward to paying for that much anticipated haircut... I plan to TIP BIG too.  I love you, Jenna!

Monday, July 25, 2011

I guess I have a decision to make...

Today was supposed to be a good day.  Sarah will finally get a haircut.  R.J.'s scheduled to work.  Not sure if Em has plans to do anything.  But now it's going to be spoiled.  By me.  I'm not  prepared to shatter my family - the kids - since deciding that I can't take another day spent in my failed marriage.  Don't know who to call 1st - a priest, a therapist, the Mormon bishop whom I've gone to for counseling before.

I had plans for Wednesday disability deposits that go into my (and my girls) bank account.  I had scheduled a double car loan payment - so that we could keep our car  - to be debited from the account.  But now, I think I should cancel it, because I'm positive Rick will say leave.  We've all had it.  But, I will have to leave the kids.  I have no other choice.  I'll leave them their money which they will need for when school starts next month.  Then I have to figure out where to go for shelter.  I'm scared.  But it's the only way forward(?).

So scared.