March 5th ~ A Saturday State of Mind

It was cold today... good day for soup (Sure, now I think of it... Tomorrow.)   I liked that it was pretty quiet in the house all day... except for the stinking dogs - no clue what's going on with them? (Do they sense what's happening, I wonder. Oh God!  I just remembered Shadow needs food!  Bye money.)   God bless money still available!

It did end up being a nice day overall; everyone slept in late, even the doggies; didn't need to go out; skipped laundry; watched two movies; had a nice taco dinner and ice cream for dessert (great savings at Safeway).  Everyone even stayed in pajamas; It was great! Now, only a few more Facebook messages to reply to, and then bed.

 ~ Saturday state of mind:  Calm pushes past fear.  Fear seems nowhere near.  *Interesting

March 3rd ~ Bright Spots Shining On Dark Times

For nearly three years, I spent most days feeling anxious, worried, scared, fed-up, and lonely.  I had to deal with being a single parent while my husband lived and worked outside the U.S.  It was hard - the last year, a nightmare. I'm glad - GRATEFUL - it's over.  He may be out of work and our family without income, but he's home safe and sound; back where he is needed most. It was tough trying and failing to sustain two households.  I did the best I could.

Today my prayers and desires are:  That our family not fall apart.  That we be strong and have faith that better days are upon us.  I pray for a good paying job for my husband. That we have the ability to pay bills and take care of all debt which goes unpaid.  I pray that we be able to purchase our own food and everyday needs and not have to ask for charity. I hope the kids and I will succeed in finding part-time jobs soon so that we can remain in our home.  All the while,  I patiently plead with God, and all the angels and saints for peace of mind, and that our circumstances not get any worse.

I look for bright spots during this time.  Like when my husband's hand sits on my shoulder as we quietly discuss the "What ifs" and "Whens."  Quiet bedtime kisses from everyone warm my heart.  And, puppy snuggles... well, what is better than that.  These bright spots will light our way toward better days.  That's what I pray.

March 2nd ~ Too Much Stuff To Worry About

Today was a good day.  Why?  Because, I let the dark clouds shrouding our dwindling bank accounts, piles of unpaid bills, I-don't-want-to-do list, etc., lift so that I could just experience a regular old,  unremarkable day.  I spent minutes, maybe, wondering how my husband's job search went today.  I checked in on my son's progress in cyber-school classes by making calls to some of his teachers. Things could be better; he's very behind in some English classes but he'll be okay as long as we stick with a work plan.  For the most part, I was relieved to have some much needed peace of mind for most of my day.  I even voluntarily left the house - without dreading every detail involved in just making it out the door!   My mood was so pleasant that what little interaction I had with guy behind fresh fish counter at the grocery store put a smile on my face, which felt good.

If I were to give this day a stress level rating it would be - Low.  Definitely, LOW.  (Although I did forget to take my meds.)  But now that dinner is over and we head into nightfall my head is beginning to numb as "stuff" starts to swirl around inside.  Stuff like:  How long until Rick finds a job.  How will we get along without an income...  Where are we going to go now that we have no way of paying for utilities...  How much longer can I continue avoiding answering  incoming phone calls.... Who should I call first... homeowners assistance agency, debt counselling service, pet adoption/shelter services, IRS, hoa, church outreach & kids' school counselors, temporary housing shelters...  My mental to-do list goes on and on, but, my heart doesn't start breaking until I wonder how we'll be able to cope without our doggies... or how long will some of us have to go without proper medical care and medication... or what will become of our household goods and possessions when we can no longer occupy our home... AND MOST OF ALL... How hard will it be on the kids.

There are all kinds of self-help books out there for everything under the sun.  But not for what's happening to families all over America, where, if you ask me, hunger and homelessness should not be an option. 

If you know of such a manual, guide or plan, please, let me know.  I'd give anything for a family life-coach to help get us through these trying times. 

March 1st ~ To Do List I Rather Not Do

 1.  Check bank account balances

 2.  Not make this month's mortgage payment

 3.  Call vet to ask for information about shelters/pet adoptions agencies for our doggies

 4.  Think about what I have to do tomorrow