Monday, January 2, 2012

I'm Fifty!

Well almost... give me a couple of years.  I love that my birthday's in January.  I love January's wintery, cold, wet weather.  No matter where I've lived, my favorite gift to ask for each year is a gorgeous blue sky peeking through rain-filled clouds ready to burst the minute I step outside.  I love that over my lifetime, that's exactly what I've gotten on my birthday.  I love the rain.  That's what I want on my birthday.

Not quite fifty, but working my way there as healthy as possible, is what I am aiming for.  I never thought I'd see 27 after all.  Mom may have survived a major stroke at 27, but I was positive I wouldn't even get there.  Sylvia didn't see 36, I prayed I would not suffer same fate as she.  I have missed her everyday for almost 17 years.

What I am going to do is lose 50 lbs before I reach age 50.  Should be easy, right?  Started South Beach meal plan today.  I've managed to lose 30lbs following meal plan in the past; shouldn't be a problem re-working it now.  It can only be a benefit when it comes to staving off full blown diabetes. As of today, my weight checks in at 1-3lbs.  Sure, I'm going to share that.  HA!


So here I am a few weeks shy of turning 48.  It's only January 2nd and everyone's focus is on keeping New Year's resolutions, but that's not for me... never has been, actually.  I know I'm weak, so why bother.  This year however, while not resolving to begin or stop doing anything in particular,  I am anticipating change.  I must prepare for upcoming monumental life altering events (in addition to continuing suffering ongoing trauma carrying over from last year).  I've raised, and come May, seen two of my children reach completion of grade school.  They've reached their time to move on; I wouldn't stop them.  No one stopped me.

Winter break ends for my high schoolers tonight.  My oldest daughter has spent her holiday relaxing from grueling studies that led up to finals before school let out mid-December.  This weekend, she was back hitting the books and drafting essay to submit with college applications.  She wants to go to college.  She's hoping for a full scholarship.  She wants to teach.  She is so smart.  I love her so much.  I want all her hopes and wishes and dreams to come true.  I hope college happens for her.  She accomplished what was asked of her... was an outstanding student. I hope it pays off and that she is able to pursue her dream of attending university.

But... I am missing her already.


So this is the plan.  I will relish every single moment with her until the day I hug and kiss her good-bye.

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