August 28th ~ Mixed Feelings or Mixed Blessings?

I am so confused!

Yesterday's yard sale wore me out.  By late afternoon I felt like I'd been hit by a bus.  Advil was close at hand all day.  I think it was more of an emotional toll that I was reeling from... It is so hard putting yourself out there; putting your personal belongings out on the lawn and driveway for the "world" to see.  For the "world" to judge.  I managed okay I guess; the hubs and I even got along through it all.  It helped that RJ, S and E provided comic relief - especially, E - she's the most "monkey" of our three kids.  So in between car loads of people stopping by, E sang, danced, wiggled, hula-hooped, skipped, and failed miserably at riding a two-wheel bike that we've had since Texas!  No... since California!  It was S's bike from age six; it was a riot seeing E's thin, long, spidery legs try to peddle the thing. (I love that she's tall, err... compared to me.)  Cracked up when S read the decals on the bike, apparently it's a "Sweet Talkin' Charmer" model. (funny, yet, creepy, if you ask me.)

So thank God for E goofing around and providing enough distraction that I didn't take too close notice of the snarkiness in one man's voice as he walked around looking at stuff we had brought out in hopes of selling.  He parked his car right in front of the bikes we had set up nearest the sidewalk.  Man to the hubs, "Looks like someone lost interest in riding, huh?"  The hubs just laughed and said, "Good morning."  From the porch, I thought, "Jerks!"  I never lost interest in bike riding.  The hubs never was thoughtful enough to actually bring it down from the garage rafters... every time I asked; every time he came home to visit when weather was nice.  Three years I asked!  No, actually more like five or six years I've been asking that he bring it down for me to ride. Makes me mad to dwell on it, but we did sell the bike after all.

A good thing that came from the sale of that lavender, Schwinn mountain bike that the kids and the hubs had given me for my birthday a few years back is that it was purchased for a sweet little girl. Probably around nine years old, she seemed excited at the thought of  "a new bike."  I loved that she took it for a "test drive."  It suited her perfectly!  I hope it serves her well for a long, long time.  It was a pleasure meeting some nice neighbors we otherwise never would have had the chance to.  The little girl's parents asked if we had just moved in.  "No, we are the Christmas House people." I told them.  And they seemed very happy to finally meet us; our Christmas Winter Wonderland has always been a treat for them, they love that they could enjoy it from their back deck.  It was disappointing informing them that last winter was it; foreclosure on the house and no where to go from here, and no idea where to put our stuff, will put an end to outdoor Christmas decoration displays.

So back to Mr. Unpleasant, as he walks by my fitness gear: dumbbells, toning balls, jump rope, core ball...  He goes, "Looks like someone lost interest in exercising too."  Again, the hubs, "Ha ha."  Me thinking, "Ass."  Then, as he makes his way nearest where I'm standing on the porch he takes notice of the pots, potting soil, planting tools and baskets and offers this tidbit, "And looks like someone gave up on something else too."  The hubs just laughs again and says "Yup."  I'm really surprised with myself and that I let his stupid comments and the hubs's idiotic replies just fall by the wayside.  Because once I was inside and had a few minutes to dwell on the morning's activities, I started to feel mad and hurt.  Mr. Unpleasant did buy something:  one of the hubs's old drivers; paid a buck or two... I hope his golf game gets shot to hell.

I'm totally shocked that it didn't even occur to me to speak up - I'm kinda expert at that.  I never lost interest in any of those past times and activities.  We need to sell our stuff.  We need to do everything we can to raise the money needed now to get a proper handle on serious financial matters - meaning filing bankruptcy, and yes, prison is a possibility! - That happens when you are behind on filing taxes or owe the world loads of unpaid bills, right?  I'd give anything to have had planted a beautiful array of flowers in all colors and fragrances this spring and summer... BUT WE COULD BARELY AFFORD FOOD, Mr. Unpleasant.   We put out whatever we thought might sell, and there's loads more where that stuff came from.  It's all over the house: in cabinets, on shelves, in drawers, in boxes which were packed when the hubs first was laid off in 2007.  I don't want to feel angry.  I hate feeling hurt.  I just want to feel like we can start to move on...  where ever that is.  We raised $100.00. Nine thousand, nine hundred more to go - international tax attorneys and bankruptcy lawyers sure do make good money!  With no sign of job anytime soon, all hope is lost.

The other thing that did make me happy was selling RJ's bike to a military mom.  The bike was in top condition, originally priced at $250.00, purchased on sale for about $125.00.  Nearly ten years later, another dear sweet boy will have it to ride and enjoy.  We knocked off a few bucks; $20 sounded like a good deal.  Happy Birthday, military kid!

*****

I decided, I hate yard sales.  I know... bad attitude... karma's a bitch (and so am I).  We're doing another next weekend. Joy.

*****

I  love what someone tweeted yesterday about dreaming.  They mentioned how they hoped that a previous night's dream would pick up and continue where it had left off, on the following night.  That put the idea in my head how cool it is to control dreams, so I decided I would think about specifics I wanted to dream about and hit the sack - or pushed-together ottomans (and pillows so old and flat, it's a miracle I sleep at all).  Lovely images in mind, I fell right to sleep. Watching a favorite movie helped put me in pleasant spirits; so my dream even had a "movie" feel - my brain does good cinematography.  Anyway, it worked! I tweaked my dream to feature what I wished - had a great cast!  A "surprise" special guest blew me away.  Of course it was still a dream, therefore could never actually happen; nonetheless, it was good... relaxing even.  Interesting considering the t.v. was on most of the night tuned to east coast hurricane coverage.

I love dreams that bring back time when my kids were little, and where I'm sharing unremarkable moments in the company of loved ones I haven't seen in ages.  Last night's dream filled me with a sense of security - calm and assuring, it was like good medicine.   The best part:  I napped in my dream!  Two naps, even.  How great is that?  Might even qualify as a "best dream ever" as far as I'm concerned.  Ha ha.  I dreamt about sleeping.  And I awoke with a smile on my face.

*****

I've been pleasantly informed via Twitter - by a wonderful lady who took the time to research what dreams mean - that:  "dreaming of yourself sleeping means peace and favour from your loved ones," followed by " x x x "   Love ya, Berni!   Can't imagine anything better than that.  More smiling.