Thursday, November 3, 2011

November 3 ~ Nothing like waking up feeling like a useless piece of crap... again

Man, I hate waking up and, first thing, immediately falling straight into “I am such a crap mother!” mode.  Worse, I wasn’t even fully awake.  I sleep downstairs in room which by design opens up to the kitchen, so every morning I hear the rustling of my youngest daughter preparing her school lunch.  I let her do her thing, but sometimes will call out “Good morning, love” and she’ll say it back.  Today, I wasn’t fully awake until both girls were on their way out.  My oldest girl remembered to come to the back of the house to say bye, but Emily, didn’t.... that should have been a clue.  Moments earlier, knowing we probably didn’t have fixings for lunch, I shouted out to her asking if she needed any money for lunch (Still have a few dollars cash reserve from Summer yard sales that we never used toward H & R Block tax preparation.).  I heard her say "Something, something, pretzels."  Was she only taking pretzels?  Might explain, why she didn’t come back to give me a kiss goodbye.

That all happened around 7:30, 7:45.  Rick gave them a ride to school because it was super cold and the streets still pretty slushy.  I had fallen back into a dead sleep and didn’t wake up until I heard the front doorbell ring.  It was Sarah.  She was home for her combined open class hour and lunch break.  (Me in a panic – “Oh God, is there any food for her!”  I wasn’t thinking straight, I guess, when I had the guys go out to buy rations to get us through snowstorm the other night.  We knew we wouldn’t need much, but like I said... I wasn’t thinking.

So Sarah is home to study and finds some instant oatmeal to snack on, but in preparing it in microwave, there was a problem: it overflowed out of the small bowl she put it in... See, crap mom: I don’t even have proper dishes available for instant oatmeal to be cooked.  Wanting to clean up after herself, she asked if there were any paper towels to wipe up the spill.  “Dang it!” I thought.  I told her I’d take care of the spill, not to worry about it and told her to just use a dish cloth to wipe off her bowl.

This is around 9:30 and I’m just awake, realizing, “Nuts!  I have to go to the market.”  I don’t want to go to the market.  I was hoping there would be absolutely no reason for me to go for the next couple of months.  I was going to do everything possible to avoid stepping into any kind of retail establishment.  I can’t cope with seasonal crap all over the place, TV commercials are bad enough.  This week I had snow on my side.  Rick rather I not drive in icy condition, so he’s more inclined to drive to the store for stuff we need.  Thank God for snow; November 1st, perfect timing Jack Frost.

I wasn’t thinking straight when I asked if someone could run into the store to pick up this, that, and the other to get us through the next couple of days – because I forgot about the toilet paper and paper towels! Whenever there’s bad weather in forecast, always pick up toilet paper, paper towels and, oh yeah, a box of feminine protection products!  So, at 9:45 this morning I’m out in freezing temps, driving on slushy roads, crusty eye goo not fully wiped from my eyes.  Got to the store, navigated my steps through icy parking lot, prayed I not fall (my ankle still isn’t fully healed from last month's fall), bought the stuff, back to car, and home to turn on computer, sit here and share my November 3, 2011, “I’m a bitter, angry, horrible mom” rant.

Doesn't end there.  Now I feel extra bummed, because as I walk in the house, aware that it's trash day,  I'm asking everyone to empty rubbish bins.  I set down the market bag and start shoving stuff off the counter into the overflowing kitchen can, only to see an empty jar of peanut butter teetering at the very top.  Someone had not thought someone else might need to use the tiny bit left in it for sandwich for school lunch the next day, like the kid who has rationed it all week because we don't have lunch meats this week.

*Dear Midnight Snacker.  Grow up.  Think before you eat.  Or, sleep through that late-night hunger.  I saw you eat dinner.  There was more than enough.  Next time, eat some goddamn instant oatmeal... BUT DON'T MAKE A MESS, I only clean up after people who work their asses off and/or have tons of studying.  Sincerly, Crap Wife.

Good morning and you are welcome.




Please tell me it will not get any worse

Problem: My husband's termination/release process from job out of the country seems to be taking a bit of time; meetings have been postponed for the third time since Monday. Regretfully, I feel that his employer - and please excuse my language - is trying to screw him over using delays, manipulation and intimidation. Apparently, leaving the company must be overseen by labor board because as far as company owner is concerned, they and Rick have "mutually agreed" to part ways. LIES. He is being coerced into taking whatever "serverance" they have offered and hit the road. Without legal representation to accompany him to labor board meeting and speak - the country's language - on his behalf, my husband is totally screwed.

Back here in the U.S, I can't help but be extremely concerned about my husband's well being, as he is all alone out there; all I can do is remind him that the kids and I just want him to be back home safe and sound. However, since immediate return is not feasible, I continue to worry about him because he is being treated so unfairly, he's alone with no one to turn to there, and he has done nothing wrong. His return home on Sunday - regardless of labor board meeting outcome - will be a huge relief for all of us.

Requesting you keep my family in your loving thoughts and prayers... we need all the help we can get.

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