Sunday, March 4, 2012

Well what do you know...

I actually wanted to get up today.  I didn't mind waking up at 7:14 am.  I was happy to have the hubs come join me downstairs, even though there was nothing on television and I had already decided to turn on my notebook to see if there was anything good to read on the interwebs.  He lay down on my "bed" while I sat and explored the web.  I even scratched his back!  What... wait a minute... Who is this person, seemingly happy to just be.

Just a couple of days ago, life's struggles were leaving me feeling very bad... very bad, indeed.

Then this morning I tweet this:  Wow, February was a bitch. Dear March, thanks for starting out on a gentler note. One mountain of stress down, 4 - 5 more to go. #BringIt

If you are clueless about why I'd be calling February a bitch, you might find out  HERE  or  HERE

We had an appointment with tax preparation guy yesterday afternoon.  I was pretty upset and already had shed tears while driving there because, the hubs had been updating me on our girl's college plan. We've been beyond happy with her acceptance letters last month, including merit awards, from a few of the schools she applied to.  But as he talked on and on, informing me of amount of federal financial aid she qualified for, I began to acknowledge the unlikelihood that she will even be able to achieve her dream of going off to college after graduating high school in May.  She, like her brother before her, had worked so hard and done their very best in the area of academic studies.  So I feel shattered and a failure as a parent that we are not able to provide them with college educations - even after merit awards and financial aid.  Hell, we are barely able to put food on the table to feed them, much less come up with balance of whatever costs aren't covered in awards.  I was dreaming.  I don't want her dreams dashed.  I live with enough heartbreak that our incredibly bright boy had to abandon dream of attending film school.  Actually, this, I think, is my greatest heartbreak ever (even more than living with devastation of having incurable chronic illnesses)...  not being able to give my kids what they deserve and help them achieve their goals.

So, of course, I'd be wiping away tears as we arrived at tax office, right?  All that cause for celebration with each acceptance letter in the mail, phone calls... then impending feeling of doom with each hint of awareness that it just doesn't look like college is going to happen for another one of our kids... more proof for my calling February a bitch wouldn't you say?  I took a breath and in we walked to wait to be called.


And so, let me explain why I'm appreciating gentle ease these first days of March, with this recent Facebook post that I shared with my family and friends:

  • You know how you've kept us in your loving thoughts, hoping for only the best for us... well this happened today: It took nearly six months, but we finally saved up enough money to pay for tax preparation (Remember we tried yard sales?) Everyday, for years I've been stressed by fact that taxes had not been filed (including from Rick's old job). Prison a possibility. We knew foreign country taxes were paid but not sure if American taxes were still owed. I was guessing we would still owe well over a lot of money. We got a call a while after returning home from H&R... weight of world lifted in the way of tax relief - no taxes owed. Now only another 3 or 4 weights of the world to go - jobs, financial restoration, relocation, college for S & R please be near. Thanks for keeping us in your hearts and minds.

Oh, and bankruptcy!  Now that we've taken care of taxes we can move on to unpleasantness (but necessity) that is filing bankruptcy.  It's going to take us much longer than six months to raise the estimated $4,000 though.  On with our nightmare that is trauma of 1+ year jobless and all that comes with it.  Just hope we are able to do it with a roof over our head... idea of sorting through paperwork living out of our car does not sound too appealing.  Better me than you, right?

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